I made this plaque a few months ago at a Women of Purpose in Christ ladies event at Board and Brush. It’s a little rustic, and has a couple of mistakes here and there, but what you can’t see is that it has a beautiful glittery shimmer covering it. It reminds of how life can be- a little shabby and not perfect, but with a nice shimmer of Hope all over. I have placed it on my wall in the middle of our living room to encourage me that it IS a GOOD day.
It’s now been over 2 years that I received a cancer diagnosis and I’m thankful to say that for the most part I am doing pretty well. The last time I had my blood checked, my lymphocytes had not increased, praise God! I’m due to have bloodwork again soon. But I’ll be honest, some days are not great. While I might look like I’m doing well, there are days when I really struggle to get out of bed. To be expected I guess, when you’re dealing with a chronic blood cancer. I think my kids are the only ones who see how things really go on a day to day basis.
According to the Experts there is no cure for CLL, so I am doing as much as I can to heal myself naturally. It takes a lot of time, money, discipline and energy to keep up with everything and honestly, some days I would like to just do nothing regarding my treatments. But I do it anyway, because I won’t give up. It’s those times when I really thank God for the Sabbath day- a time to cease from the cares of this world and rest in Jesus.
I don’t really like to talk much about my cancer for a few different reasons. Mostly, I just want to live life to the fullest and not be ruled by the diagnosis. I also want to stay positive especially for my kids and hubby and loved ones. Sometimes It just makes me sad. I won’t lie, a day never goes by that I don’t contemplate the issue. My mind wonders many things, especially, will I EVER feel normal again? I’m not a fan of the phrase “new normal” I want to be in the REAL normal.
What about prognosis? My specialists say that most people live for 14 plus years with this disease, but that data is based on folks being diagnosed around 75 or older. I was diagnosed at 49, how will that affect me, or not??
Then after the questions come the feelings, and lots of them.
I feel TIRED many times exhausted both physically and mentally.
I feel PERPLEXED, wondering how I got this cancer, what caused it? Could I have prevented it?
I feel THANKFUL but at the same time I also feel GUILTY. Thankful that my cancer is not an aggressive one, but at the same time guilty, knowing that several friends and loved ones have died or are currently suffering from other more aggressive forms of cancer.
And I feel WORRIED. Worried that according to some stories I have heard, that CLL can turn into something more serious and that I would die before my kids grow up and are ready to be on their own.
At the same time however, I feel PEACE, because I know that my God has a plan for all of us and I have faith in HIS healing and HIS will.
You might ask, why am I talking about it now? I was recently thinking about my situation and the thought came to me that if I don’t talk about it, how will I help other women who may be going through the same thing? So you may find me talking more about this in the future, and please, if you are going through something similar don’t hesitate to share with us here or send me a message.
Before I go, let me leave you with this blessing from the God of the Bible, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob:
‘May Yahweh bless you and protect you. May Yahweh smile on you and be gracious to you. May Yahweh show you His favor and give you His peace.’
Numbers 6:24
Have a great day and take care!
Love and Blessings,
Becky
